Healthy Tension

Sunday, June 24, 2007

Hi,

This quiet Sunday morning I want to sit down and write in response to the lovely letters and calls that we have received over these last few hours. To say that we have been overwhelmed by your love is an understatement.

One amazing part of this whole thing is that in spite of what the doctor says, right now I'm feeling really good. Of course, I'm still on my little knee cart from the bunion surgery, but this one has been lots easier than the last one so I almost forget about it--except for when I need to scoot up or down the steps on my bottom. :-) I include my slow tongue in "normal" because that symptom has been there off and on for six months, but overall I feel energetic and relaxed. I do try to avoid crying because when I cry it's harder to breathe. So, when the conversations get too heavy, I go in the other room to keep from needing to gasp for air. :-!

Another amazing part is how optimistic I feel. Maybe I'm still in the "shock" phase of grief, but during this week, since learning of the diagnosis, I've just been overwhelmed by the goodness of God. He has blessed me SO much. How many people, when faced with such a grim prediction, have hundreds (and I'm not stretching it!) of people who care about them? How many people have had such incredible opportunities to spend their life doing what they love most (teaching and mentoring young people to live their lives in light of eternity)? How many people, after 39 years of marriage, are THIS in love? How many people have children who love God and serve him so wholeheartedly? Not many and I just can't stop counting my blessings.

Our family has talked several times this week about the fact that we are holding two things in tension: 1) We KNOW that we serve a God who can heal. We've seen many miracles in our lives, one being the spectacular healing of my heart in November of 2005. There's not one doubt in our minds that God can heal. However, it's also clear that he doesn't always heal. You probably remember that we lost Jim's brother Greg just a little over one year ago. He was a young father who loved God with all of his heart; so, physical healing doesn't come for every believer; and that ushers in the other part of the healthy tension: 2) Everybody is born, and everybody has to die sometime. Until it's God's time for me I'm invincible! :-) But when it IS his best time for me to die, I will step into his presence. Wow, it gives me goose bumps when I consider what that moment will be like. I can only imagine!!

So there's the tension: God can heal, but he doesn't always. We're holding one in each hand and we try to keep the balance. The bottom line is that He is our loving, sovereign God, and he has good things for those who love Him. We just have to wait and see which good thing He has for me! :-) Frankly, I’m hoping for a few more years on this earth with my dear, sweet family!

My task over these next few weeks and months is to make sure that this whole thing doesn't get centered on ME. It's not about ME. It's all about Him. He deserves the glory whether number ONE or TWO is my destiny. I rest in Him, and wait to see.

Meanwhile, I'm soaking up the love of precious friends and family like you!

And, now back to the moment! I have to get into the shower and get dressed because today is a special day. Nineteen-day-old Baby Micah Gregory is being dedicated on his mommy and daddy's seventh anniversary. We are here, along with Rhonda's parents, to celebrate both occasions. Life doesn't get any sweeter than this!