Anniversary Trip

This coming Sunday June 1 is our 40th wedding anniversary. We're celebrating by going on a cruise to Alaska. Tomorrow (Friday May 30) we will fly to Seattle with our friends Pasi and Tuula from Finland. And Saturday the four of us will board the Norwegian Cruise Lines ship. I'm sure it will be a lovely week of celebration. You can be sure that I'll post some photos when we get back.

Forever Mine

Ninety-five percent of the time I’m energetic, positive, and have a “can-do” attitude in spite of my physical challenges.

But then there’s that other five percent…

And that’s where I was this morning. When I had my devotional time I asked God to show me who I could use as a sounding board…someone on whom I could dump it all…someone who could help me sort it out…someone slightly removed from the scene who could be more objective.

Ten minutes later the phone rang and it was my brother Daniel. (Yes, the same brother who helped me sift through my feelings last fall--see my October 20, 2007 entry “Shower of Tears.”)

God’s timing is remarkable, isn’t it?

As I told Daniel, I have been having a hard time trying to find a balance between…
…Accepting my illness or “giving in” to it.
…Admitting that I feel too weak to do something or pressing ahead anyway.
…Fighting to have faith for my healing or letting go of that and just letting God choose.
…Struggling through the fatigue and exercising anyway or giving my body a rest.

Today I was feeling overwhelmed with the struggle going on inside my body…probably because I DID do my workout in spite of my fatigue and I was wondering if I should have.

Lately I have felt weaker than before, in my walking (more shaky), in my talking (harder to understand), and even in my fingers (harder to turn the ignition and open a ziplock baggie).

But ironically I’m currently re-reading a book called The Healing Power of a Christian Mind: How biblical truth can keep you healthy. In this book Dr. William Backus tells how the medical community is increasingly interested in the power of the mind over the body. Several studies reveal that hopelessness leads to physical decline.

Should I fight? Or resign myself to my condition? Or both?

Dan listened and helped me process. Nothing changed after his call except my mind was clearer and I was more cognizant of the fact that God loves me so much that he arranged for a sounding board moments after I asked.

Running parallel to my dilemma these few days has been a growing awareness of how much God loves me. It started last Friday when my daughter-in-law Rhonda said that our little Levi kept stopping his play and saying, “Mummo loves me!!” My precious three-year-old grandson felt my love so much that he repeatedly told his mommy that I loved him! That warmed my heart and brought tears to my eyes every time I thought of it.

Here's a picture of Levi and me together on my birthday as he gave me the heart he chose and painted just for me! (Awwww!)


What would our lives be like if we regularly reminded ourselves of how much God loves us? I pondered.

Meanwhile, I have been reading (and studying) my way through the book of Romans, and this week these verses jumped out at me: “And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.” (Rom. 5:2-4) Hope! The very thing I was some days missing…and it would be the end result of suffering? H-m-m-m!

Three days later, setting off on a delayed errand, I flipped on my favorite Christian radio station. I was stunned to hear only the very last phrase of a song…it was sung in full harmony…”YOU ARE FOREVER MINE!”

I melted!

God loves me. He cares what I’m going through. He wants to give me his perspective. He even arranges perfectly timed phone calls, scriptures, and songs on the radio to show me how much he cares. What a God!

What’s heavy on your mind?

Daniel reminded me that it is healthy to freely voice our feelings and frustrations …while still resting comfortably in the loving sovereignty of our God.

Join me…