Weak...but Strong

It used to take a little effort to do a lot.
Now it takes a lot of effort to do a little.

I actually don’t see much change in my strength from day to day, or week to week, but when I look back six months I can see that I am definitely weaker now.

My niece Sherri, a young home-schooling mom, has major health issues. She recently sent me a piece illustrating life with limited energy. She found it online (www.butyoudontlooksick.com) and it’s called “The Spoon Theory.“

To summarize, a young woman was trying to get her friend to understand what it felt like to live with Lupus. They were sitting in a restaurant so she gathered up all the spoons she could see from all the tables, and she told her friend to imagine that each spoon represented some of the energy she’d need for her day. When her spoons were gone, her energy was gone. She verbally ran her through a typical “Lupus” morning showing that it took most of her day’s energy just to get out the door.

This story rang a bell with me.

Before ALS I would get up early, bustle around, take a shower, get dressed, make breakfast, eat, and scope out my day—while doing a few little pick-up jobs in between. That would take about “one spoon” of energy.

Now it takes one spoon to get up…one to bathe…one to get dressed…another to do my hair and make-up…and three to do my morning exercises. So my day has hardly begun and I’ve already used up more than half my spoons.

So even though I can still do most of the things I’ve ever done, what used to be simple is now laborious. And the more energy that I use for any given activity, the longer it takes to recover. That’s just the way it is.

It’s not easy to deal with waning strength…especially if you’ve always been a strong, active, capable person like me.

Several months ago I typed up some of the scriptures that have ministered to me during this ALS experience. I’ve memorized some of them and read all of them often. But today when I read back through them the ones about strength just came “alive”—almost like I was reading them for the first time.

Simple truth: I’m weak…but God is ready and willing to be my strength!

***
“I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10b”

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. II Corinthians 12:9a”

“He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak…those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:29, 31”

“The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. Psalm 28:7a”

***

Once again the live, active, powerful Word of God inspired me to view my situation from HIS angle.

One day in August I picked up a recently received book about ALS. I wanted to get advice about choosing my speaking machine and see if there was some practical advice for dealing with my excess mucous. I did get answers to my questions but on all of those other pages I saw too much. Suddenly I could visualize what was ahead and it was discouraging. I felt like the road was too steep and I didn’t have the strength to climb it. So that night I told God, “This is all too much. Give me courage. I need you!”

When I woke up in the morning three phrases were spiraling through my mind:
“You’re in my hands…trust me…I love you…you’re in my hands…trust me…I love you…you’re in my hands…”

It was a powerful, intimate moment!

By the very nature of ALS I’m always losing something…either quickly or slowly…so if I always focus on my weakening state, I’ll always be miserable. Instead, I have to put my focus on my Available Strength—My Strong Tower.

And you? Do you have a situation where you feel emotionally powerless? Or physically weak? Maybe you’ve been trying to be self-sufficient, like me.

We just have to acknowledge that we need HIM…then we’re stronger already.

“For when I am weak, then I am strong. II Corinthians 12:10”

mm


P.S. Now! If you think that all of this means that you shouldn’t come visit us…think again! We LOVE having guests. We’ve had many this year and that’s what keeps us going. So you need to do your part by coming for a visit! But be forewarned…we make our guests work! Jim won’t let me do hardly anything, but he will ask you to help prepare food, do dishes, or something. Just so you know. (Smile!)