Unselfish Love

In a few hours it will be Valentine’s Day so everyone’s thinking about LOVE, but I want to show you a less talked about side of love.

A few years ago our friends, Don and Evie, gave us a book called A Promise Kept: The Story of an Unforgettable Love, by Robertson McQuilkin. It was a sad, but heartwarming, love story. Robertson’s wife Muriel was 55 when she was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s Disease. At first he was able to continue in his job as president of Columbia Bible College and Seminary, but eventually he resigned so he could stay home and care for her, and he did just that for many years.

The book chronicled his feelings throughout the process. When we read it, what struck me was his depth of love for his wife, even though she no longer knew him. This was an unforgettable book. Its chapter titles were “In Sickness and in Health,” “To Love and to Cherish,” “For Better, For Worse,” “From This Day Forward,” “For Richer, For Poorer,” and “Till Death Do Us Part.”

I urge you to find and read that book!

Little did we realize that a few years later our love was going to have the opportunity to move to a new level. Last year at this time we were leading a couples fellowship for four young couples. Together we had dinner out, and later Jim told the young men, “Guys, love your wives like Christ loves the church.” Then he did a short teaching about what that really meant.

“Husbands love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself“ Ephesians 5:25-28.

And now, exactly one year later, Jim is doing just that.

With my diagnosis, and slight awkwardness, he has been doing all of his normal “manly jobs,” but also many of my "womanly" jobs—dishes, picking up, laundry, and carrying things from room to room. Until a couple of weeks ago, he was also doing most of the cleaning. Just recently I asked some ladies in the church to help clean so Jim wouldn’t have to do it all.

Everyday, he makes certain that I take my nap, and that I take both doses of my Pana C-315 (a multivitamin, mineral & superfood supplement). He also cheers me on as I faithfully do my exercises.

I feel so loved! Jim does a perfect job of protecting me without smothering me. For instance, he knows I love to cook, so he lets me do that without interference. He also knows I love to do errands, so he releases me every week, even though he knows I’ll be exhausted when I get home. He knows I need that bit of independence.

Because of my clumsiness, there’s always a little messy trail wherever I’ve been, but he never complains. He just quietly picks up the pieces.

His love has lifted me many times throughout these months as he continues to adore me. As he curls around me at night, when we’re ready to go to sleep, he always tenderly asks God to heal me. And at least ten times throughout the day, he looks at me and says, “How are you doing?” Later in the day he will hug me and say, “Get well, okay?” I laugh and say, “I AM!”

To the young men in my audience, I challenge you to follow Jim’s lead…or more accurately Christ’s lead…and give up your own comforts to cherish your wife the way she needs. It sounds hard, especially in an individualistic world, but once you reach the tipping point, it’s easy. Her response will probably be one of respect and love as she sees you sacrificing yourself for her.

Jim turned 64 today, and tonight he’s teaching a “Life of Christ” class at our church, like he does every Wednesday night. He has no idea I’m writing this blog. He’ll probably be slightly embarrassed, but I think his story needs to be told, because doing things God’s way just works!

So tomorrow, guys, give her some of the trappings of love…chocolates, flowers, dinner at a nice restaurant, or whatever, but make sure that you also give her what she really wants--REAL love. Unselfish love.