Forever Mine
Ninety-five percent of the time I’m energetic, positive, and have a “can-do” attitude in spite of my physical challenges.
But then there’s that other five percent…
And that’s where I was this morning. When I had my devotional time I asked God to show me who I could use as a sounding board…someone on whom I could dump it all…someone who could help me sort it out…someone slightly removed from the scene who could be more objective.
Ten minutes later the phone rang and it was my brother Daniel. (Yes, the same brother who helped me sift through my feelings last fall--see my October 20, 2007 entry “Shower of Tears.”)
God’s timing is remarkable, isn’t it?
As I told Daniel, I have been having a hard time trying to find a balance between…
…Accepting my illness or “giving in” to it.
…Admitting that I feel too weak to do something or pressing ahead anyway.
…Fighting to have faith for my healing or letting go of that and just letting God choose.
…Struggling through the fatigue and exercising anyway or giving my body a rest.
Today I was feeling overwhelmed with the struggle going on inside my body…probably because I DID do my workout in spite of my fatigue and I was wondering if I should have.
Lately I have felt weaker than before, in my walking (more shaky), in my talking (harder to understand), and even in my fingers (harder to turn the ignition and open a ziplock baggie).
But ironically I’m currently re-reading a book called The Healing Power of a Christian Mind: How biblical truth can keep you healthy. In this book Dr. William Backus tells how the medical community is increasingly interested in the power of the mind over the body. Several studies reveal that hopelessness leads to physical decline.
Should I fight? Or resign myself to my condition? Or both?
Dan listened and helped me process. Nothing changed after his call except my mind was clearer and I was more cognizant of the fact that God loves me so much that he arranged for a sounding board moments after I asked.
Running parallel to my dilemma these few days has been a growing awareness of how much God loves me. It started last Friday when my daughter-in-law Rhonda said that our little Levi kept stopping his play and saying, “Mummo loves me!!” My precious three-year-old grandson felt my love so much that he repeatedly told his mommy that I loved him! That warmed my heart and brought tears to my eyes every time I thought of it.
Here's a picture of Levi and me together on my birthday as he gave me the heart he chose and painted just for me! (Awwww!)
What would our lives be like if we regularly reminded ourselves of how much God loves us? I pondered.
Meanwhile, I have been reading (and studying) my way through the book of Romans, and this week these verses jumped out at me: “And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.” (Rom. 5:2-4) Hope! The very thing I was some days missing…and it would be the end result of suffering? H-m-m-m!
Three days later, setting off on a delayed errand, I flipped on my favorite Christian radio station. I was stunned to hear only the very last phrase of a song…it was sung in full harmony…”YOU ARE FOREVER MINE!”
I melted!
God loves me. He cares what I’m going through. He wants to give me his perspective. He even arranges perfectly timed phone calls, scriptures, and songs on the radio to show me how much he cares. What a God!
What’s heavy on your mind?
Daniel reminded me that it is healthy to freely voice our feelings and frustrations …while still resting comfortably in the loving sovereignty of our God.
Join me…
posted by Maralyn @ 6:45 PM
8 Comments:
Wow---God's timing and intervention is amazing in our lives, isn't it? And as you know, Maralyn, you were that for ME this week, just as Dan was for you. You emailed me a special Scripture verse, and told me you couldn't get me off your mind for 48 hours of prayer and intercession..... THEN I told you all the things that had been going on during that time period, and you understood why!!
But I was overwhelmed that my sister, with your much bigger needs, was so compassionate and in tune to what I was needing with my much smaller needs... It humbles me just to think of it...
And we can ALL be that same blessing to someone else---even before today is over! Go ahead! Do it!
Luvya' Maralyn---Grace
It is very freeing to understand that our transparency before God in no way limits his love for us nor his power at work in us.
Bless you!
Craig Mathison
I just read your blog about our conversation a few days ago. I thought it might interest you to know that that conversation was an encouragement to me as well. When I was in Zambia about a month ago, I started to become more aware of God's nudgings. I was in a safe place, in that, if I followed a nudging and it was not really a nudging from God, it would not be a huge deal since I may not see them a whole lot in the future :). So, I tried to follow the nudges. Cool things happened! Since cool things happened, I thought I might try to be more cognizant of them and try to follow them in the good old USA. Calling you was one of them. God is stretching me. But it amazes me how God showed His love/care and leading for us at the same time.
I love you, too!
Daniel
Hi. I am the therapist who spoke with you briefly at the the restaurant when we were at the conference in Appleton. I continue to pray for you and encourage you to keep asking God all those really hard questions you pose in your blog. He is in the pain, the uncertainty and the total loss of control in many areas of your life. MAY YOU FIND JOY IN THIS JOURNEY AND TRUST GOD TOTALLY FOR THE OUTCOME. Your message and experience will glorify God in ways you can't even imagine. Thanks, Annie
Maralyn, I'd like to introduce myself. Your Aunt Ada is also my Aunt Ada. My Mother Tessie was Uncle Rufus's Sister. My Mother went home to be with the Lord in June of 1992.
I visited with Ada and Rufus in Oklahoma City in Arpil. Ada shared your blog with me and I have been so blessed and impressed with the things you've shared.
May God continue to use you as you continue to minister through the many areas He is still has for you. Praying for your strength.
Marilyn is there a way to email you direct?
"Praise the name of God forever and ever, for he has all wisdom and power." Daniel 2:20
May God continue to Bless YOU!
Bonnie Greenwood
Hi Bonnie,
Yes, you may e-mail me at annies_recipes@yahoo.com. I'd love to hear from you.
Maralyn
Dear Maralyn (and Jim),
Thank you for writing these updates. I have been reading them occasionally as well as getting a few other updates through my folks.
Diane and I live in married student housing at the University of Virginia where I am trying to finish up my degree. Diane works for the University, and I frequent the library.
I imagine you already have people in VA praying for you, but if you don't you can now add that state to your list. I like to remember visiting you in Belgium (fondue, going to the Grand Place the first night I was in town to ward off jet lag, Tony the Plasterer, etc.) or all of us driving up Logan's Pass in the fog, time after time.
Maralyn you've been an encouraging person to me--I think by talking to me, and drawing me out of my wonted reticence. Thank-you.
I am remembering one of the first posts you wrote here. I think you said something to the effect that scripture verses take on new meaning as you have different experiences in life. I have normally thought of this as God giving us a verse or two to help us understand life. But your post suggested to me that God also gives us life to help us understand his Word. I think that is true. When Heidi had her second naturally, Jn. 16:21 was more striking to her. A friend whose husband was in rehab tells me that she understands anew Ps. 46:1 "a very present help in trouble." And your blog exhibits this sort of understanding. Thanks for putting a record of your life out there for us to learn from you as much as each of us can. I look forward to reading more.
Rich
By now I have sat here by the computer for a while thinking what to write. Your updates are such uplifters - I feel my heart and soul is being fed by all you write. Thank you, dearest Maralyn, for sharing your heart with all of us.
Lots of love and hugs from me to you and Jim!
-PetRa-
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home